 Eighth grade
By this time, school was going pretty well. My teacher was nice, and the kids were almost ignoring me completely. I had discovered that I could sneak into the bathroom while we were waiting in the lunch line, and I could write my teacher a note if I had to. I had a couple 'friends', maybe 3 people I could talk to. In one class, the desks had been rearranged and we were allowed to sit wherever we wanted. Suzie and I always sat together when we could, so I automatically went over to where she was and sat down. She immediately jumped up and went to a different desk. I didn't know what had happened, but one of the other people, I think Cheyenne, saw it happen and asked Suzie what was wrong. Suzie said she was tired of being the only one I would talk to. I was embarrassed, I still saw my SM as childish and pointless. I didn't know why I couldn't just talk. Eventually Suzie got over it and sat with me. I joined the choir for school mass, not because I enjoyed singing but because I was one of two people in my class not in the choir. I felt weird sitting there with so much open space around me, since my whole class was up in the choir area. So I had Suzie ask the director if I could join, and she said yes. The director was a really nice person, she never seemed to get mad or judge people, and I really liked her. I did sing, not very loud and probably not very well, but I enjoyed it anyway. The director must have been talking to my high school music teacher later, because she asked me if I would be interested in joining the choir there. I didn't, because it was so much different. For one thing, the singers were in front of everyone for mass instead of behind them like in grade school. Also, there were so many new people and the singers were so tightly packed in for mass, and if anyone saw me singing they would want to know why I wouldn't talk. Getting ready for high school didn't bother me too much. I knew Suzie and I were going to different schools, but I didn't mind because I realized I was only friends with her because I had no one else, not because we were really good friends. I was kind of looking forward to us separating, because she would often put me down or get mad at me about stupid stuff, and she refused to believe that I could be right about anything, like the time she spelled something wrong and I corrected her and she kept insisting she was right, even though she wasn't. I eventually gave up trying to prove her wrong about anything because it never worked. You could have shown her a dictionary with the word and she would still insist she was right. I begged my mom to send me somewhere where I didn't know anyone, because I didn't want to be with any of my old classmates. I knew a big part of the reason I couldn't talk was because if I did people would make a big deal, "She talked!!" and stuff like that. I thought if I didn't know anyone, no one would be expecting me to not talk, and I would be able to do it. But my mom wanted me to go to a Catholic school, where half my class was going. I decided to just talk on the first day and get it over with, and I had thoroughly intended to do so. On our 8th grade visitation day, when all the 8th graders from different schools were sitting in the cafeteria, a HS teacher came over to me and asked me my name. I don't really think he knew about me, I think he was just being nice, and I told him. I said it so quietly I don't know how anyone heard me, but I guess seeing my lips move got everyone's attention. I saw all my grade school classmates watching, as though I was going to jump up on the table and start singing. I only found out this guy was a teacher later, when we visited his class. He asked me a question, and when I didn't answer he thought I just didn't know the answer and called on someone else, but I saw all my classmates staring at me like they were waiting now for me to talk. I forgot about the whole thing until later when I realized that he might be one of my teachers. I had already talked to him, so he knew I could, but I wouldn't be able to in class because of all my old classmates. When I started high school I found out that he had been replaced by a different teacher, so I didn't have to worry. Something I told my mom, but she understandably didn't believe me, was that I had totally intended to talk in high school, but I couldn't because of all the plans that were already made for me. Everyone would be expecting me to not talk, the teachers and everyone, so I couldn't 'ruin the plans'. I can see why my mom wouldn't believe me, but I was totally serious. I'm glad all the arrangements were made, because I don't know if I would have been able to talk anyway, but I know that I didn't even try because everyone was expecting me to not talk. It was like no one even expected me to try, they just made the IEP and did all the stuff they had to do, and never said a word to me about it. I felt like the only thing I could do was go along with it. I wish someone had explained my IEP to me, because I didn't know anything about it. If I had maybe I could have done something all those times that people went against it but I thought there was nothing I could do. By 8th grade my mom and I were going out to eat nearly every day when she would pick me up after school. We usually went to this pizza place next to a video store. Sometimes she would rent something, and I would look around. My sister had bought a British comedy show, Fawlty Towers, which I really enjoyed. I decided to get a Monty Python movie, as it was one of the people from Monty Python who was in Fawlty Towers. I became obsessed with Monty Python, and I would look for other things that individual members of the show had done. I found the Rutles, a Beatles parody that one of the MP people had been involved with. I downloaded every song I could that they had done, I loved them all. They didn't have much because they weren't really a real band, but it was enough to fill 2 CDs. I listened to them constantly. Music has always been my obsession, I've never gone anywhere without music. I used to take a huge tape player that needed 4 C batteries in the car with me so I could listen to it. I remember where I was and what I was listening to the first time I wore headphones. I would walk around the mall with my mom with my portable tape player playing. You couldn't get my headphones off, something my college roommates know! Obviously something music-related could have a huge impact on me. So while this may seem off-topic right now, it will hopefully make sense later. Previous Page | Next Page
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