 Seventh grade
Sometime around this time I was put on Prozac. It was the liquid kind, and I hated it. It tasted horrible, and I always put up a fight when my mom gave it to me. Sometimes I would just dump it down the sink when she wasn't looking. Eventually I was switched to the pill form, but I still didn't want to take it. I did not want to be medicated, I was totally against it. I usually see medication as an easy way out, for people who want to ignore that the problem exists and don't want to work to fix it. For some people medication is a good idea, but I think other options should be tried first. I think I wanted to fix my problems myself rather than have someone else do it for me. In school, Suzie and a group of people who usually didn't pay attention to me were planning to go see a movie that weekend. I was going too, and I was so excited. I never went out with friends, so this was a big thing for me. I couldn't wait. Then the day before we were going, Suzie told me that the others didn't want me to go along. I had been uninvited. I wasn't mad at her for not sticking up for me, because I wasn't much of a friend and I thought she should be able to have other friends too. If she had said she wanted me to go, they would have uninvited her too, probably. So I just pretended it didn't bother me. I don't know how Suzie and I ever remained friends anyway. I didn't let this incident change our friendship in any way, she was all I had so I couldn't do anything to upset her. But her mom absolutely hated me and let me know it. Suzie even told me that her mom hated me and didn't want us to be friends. I guess her daughter was going to catch whatever disease I had. Suzie was never allowed to go anywhere with me unless her mom was there. We went to youth group meetings together, and we went to movies with the youth group, which her mom was part of. But any time we would have been alone, there was no chance. Suzie was allowed to go places with other people. Her mom had no problem with her going to the movie with the other people. There was a time when Suzie and I brought our rollerskates to the school where her mom and mine were attending a meeting. We were playing outside, and we switched skates because I liked hers better and she liked mine better. The second her mom came out and saw this, she started yelling at her to switch the skates. I thought she was going to kill at least one of us. Then there was Suzie's birthday party, which was held out in the camper in her backyard. I went home early pretending I was sick, because I felt really left out of the games they were playing and I wasn't having any fun. I also accidentally hit Suzie's aunt with the bathroom door, which there was no way to see she was there, but she screamed at me to be more careful and made me feel like a total idiot for it. The next year Suzie told me that her mom didn't want her to invite me to the party because I would get sick again. Suzie's family also took at least one trip a year in the camper, and she always took one or two friends from school. I was never invited so I asked her when I would be able to go with her. She told me that her mom wouldn't let me go unless I talked in school. I almost cried at this, because I knew then that I would never get to go. My mom used to tell me that Suzie's mom wouldn't let her go anywhere because she was an only child and she didn't want anything to happen to her. This seemed like a bad excuse then, and even more so now. Now when I see her she's so nice to me, as though she had liked me all along. I usually just ignore her, maybe I'll smile at her, but I never feel like talking to her. There's VERY few people in the world that I actually dislike, and she's one of them. I had one friend in grade school, and it was like we had to keep our friendship a secret because her mom didn't approve. When Suzie and I went to different high schools, I was working at the SPCA with one of her new classmates. The stories that I heard of the places they went together made me want to cry. Suzie was allowed to go wherever she wanted with this other girl. Previous Page | Next Page
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