 First grade
Although the nun that I had as my teacher was very nice, I wasn't able to ask her to let me use the bathroom. I was afraid that if I went to the door and stood there or pointed, she wouldn't know what I wanted and she would get mad at me for walking around. I was always 'doing things for attention' anyway, so this would just be getting me the attention I was screaming for. I didn't want her to think I just wanted to walk around and not listen to her. So this caused a few embarrassing moments for me. Reading another page about SM reminded me of this. I never spoke to Marie, but I would whisper animal sounds to her. I wouldn't do this for anyone else. I hadn't related this to SM, or even remembered it at all, until I read about SM kids finding it easier to make sounds like animals or cars than to speak. The more I learn about SM, the more annoyed I get at my school. For all the things that I was doing, I was well on my way to talking in school. All I needed was someone to see that and work with it, rather than ignore it. I was punished for what I didn't do, rather than being rewarded for what I did do. I often went up to classmates and hugged them, even the people who were usually mean to me. I guess it was the looks of horror and disgust that make me avoid any physical contact with people today if I can avoid it. If I happen to bump into someone I find myself giving them a look of apology. I feel bad for anyone who has to be close to me. When I have to hold someone's hand, like in gym class where you have to form a line or circle, I hesitate for a minute so the person next to me can switch with someone else if they don't want to be the one stuck holding my hand. If someone chooses to be near me now, like at work when someone I don't see often gives me a hug, I'm always surprised. I can't believe that someone would choose to be that close to me. People spent years trying to get away from me. Part of the reason I don't like being in crowds is because I feel bad for anyone who bumps up against me. I was often told that God would take away my ability to talk if I didn't use it. I was worried at first, but I remembered that I talked at home, so I figured God knew that too. He couldn't take it away if I used it at home, at least. I was also told that if I didn't talk I would be sent to a 'special school'. I was pretty scared about that, but when I told my mom she said, "You are NOT going to a special school." She sounded kind of mad, but not at me. I never did get sent to a 'special school'. Previous Page | Next Page
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