 Kindergarten
A few years ago my mom told me that she had just read an article saying that bullying doesn't start until about second grade. I want to know who decided this. Obviously, my first experience with bullying must have been before one Kindergarten day I'll never forget. I was able to go to the teacher and point to the door as a 'signal' to use the bathroom, where I sat one day praying out loud to God to make school better, make the kids just leave me alone. I didn't care if they liked me, just make them leave me alone. I don't remember what, but apparently something was going on before this to make me hate school already. Suddenly, in the middle of my prayer, I heard giggling a few stalls down. I was horrified to discover that the meanest girl in my class, 'Mandy', had been listening to me. She ran back to my class of about 12 kids and told everyone that I was 'singing in the bathroom'! Everyone believed her, as I could do nothing but look at them. I couldn't defend myself. Everyone was so excited. They all wanted me to talk to them too. If this lie was such a big deal, how would they react if I really did talk? Maybe this is why I avoided going to the bathroom at all if I could. I remember learning about shapes in this class. My teacher had a big picture on an easel, a cartoon of a busy city. We had to point out whatever 'tires' we saw. I enthusiastically pointed to a tire on a bike, to which my teacher responded, "Those aren't tires, they're wheels." Of course, I believed her without question, even though I had no idea how to tell them apart. I still don't, in fact. In fact, they're listed as synonyms of each other in the dictionary on my computer. I wonder if this wasn't just my teacher being mean because she wanted to embarrass me in front of everyone? Obviously I was too dumb to know the difference, so I avoided pointing any other 'wheels' out. Funny how I was the only kid to get it wrong during this exercise. Everyone else's 'wheels' were right. I wish I could remember if anyone else pointed out the same thing that I had. I bet they would have been right. Since I was in a Catholic school, we spent some time each day learning our prayers. When we would be practicing the Sign of the Cross, my teacher would insist that I say the words out loud. It would usually go something like this: I would do the motions with everyone else, my teacher would see that I wasn't saying it like everyone else, she would tell me to do it on my own, I would do the motions again, she would tell me to do it again (and do it right this time), I would do the same thing, she would get mad and tell me to do it right, I would freeze up, or make the motions again, maybe moving my mouth with the words. She usually would tell me something like God wouldn't listen to my prayers if I didn't do it right. I was terrified, because I didn't want God to think I wasn't praying even though I was trying but not saying anything. But even that couldn't make me say the words. I felt bad for people who really couldn't talk, because God must obviously hate them too. It wouldn't be for many years yet that I would realize it was PEOPLE who couldn't accept it, not God. Previous Page | Next Page
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